about

growing up alongside art.

from kindergarten scribbles on paper to professional digital portraits.

chapter 1

how it started

kindergarten drawing memory — kindergarten
an early memory of taking drawing very seriously.

portrait assignment of mom from childhood — mom portrait assignment
the grade 4 portrait assignment that stayed with me.

drawing was always around me in some form. even in kindergarten, i would ask classmates if they wanted me to draw them, then take the whole thing much more seriously than i probably needed to.

one of the earliest moments i still remember clearly was a school assignment in grade 4: drawing a portrait of my mom.

while most kids treated it like a normal classroom task, i became completely obsessed with getting it right. i redrew parts of it multiple times, got frustrated constantly, and probably put way too much emotional energy into a fourth grade portrait assignment.

my mom is also an artist, so i admired her work a lot growing up. i think that portrait was the first time i realized how much i genuinely loved drawing people.

even back then, art already felt natural, exciting, and sometimes frustrating enough to make me cry over details that barely mattered to anyone else.

chapter 2

digital art

transition

i discovered digital art when i was around 8 years old, after getting my first ipad air. before i ever owned a stylus, i drew directly with my finger for years because i simply didn't have anything else.

i started with random kids drawing apps before eventually moving to ibis paint, and later procreate. over the next few years, i became completely absorbed in experimenting with brushes, colors, rendering, and every new technique i came across online.

a lot of my earlier digital paintings were honestly a mess. muddy shading, aggressive airbrush use, far too much smudge tool, and dramatic neon colors everywhere. i loved portraits from the beginning, but i also painted animals constantly -especially cats.

i was heavily inspired by artists i found online, especially on instagram. i also went through a massive billie eilish phase, which probably explains some of the color palettes from that time.

by the age of 11, i sold my first commission after searching for customers through reddit. someone commissioned me to paint their cat through a private pet-related subreddit, and i still keep the painting around today.

it felt exciting, validating, and strangely serious - like art had suddenly turned into something more real than just a hobby.

i also became heavily attached to social media validation during those years. i constantly checked notifications, compared myself to other artists online, and tied a lot of my self-worth to engagement and improvement.

i eventually became curious about coding too, partly because of my boyfriend azeem, and partly because it started feeling similar to art in a way. frustrating, creative, technical, and satisfying once things finally worked.

chapter 3

timeline of self interpretation

self portraits unintentionally became the easiest way to track change. not necessarily how i actually looked, but how i saw myself at the time.

sometimes, it feels strange looking back at them. the mindset shift is insane.

every portrait here felt accurate at the time. i still find that difficult to comprehend somehow.

chapter 4

my ups and downs

growing up as a self-taught artist on the internet made consistency difficult sometimes. there was always another artist to compare myself to, another style to try, another technique i thought would finally "fix" my work.

i experimented constantly - digital painting, watercolor, oils, acrylics, gouache, clay, knitting, resin - mostly because i genuinely loved creating things, but also because i was always searching for improvement somewhere.

for a long time, i thought stylization was something you had to intentionally invent. ironically, it only started appearing naturally after i stopped forcing it.

accepting imperfections helped me improve more than perfectionism ever did.

chapter 5

where i am now

this is the version of my art i understand the clearest so far. still chaotic, but more intentional and confident.

i still experiment constantly. i just panic about it less now.

i think i have a distinct style by now, but it's not something i developed by actively searching for it. it's something that's a result of long term experimentations and learning, research and practice, motivation and persistence. and i think my style will keep constantly growing with me.

thanks for reading

the story keeps going in my portfolio.

full portfolio back home